Yea, yea, I know, I know...More Clinton jokes on the internet!

Wild Bill...

A plethora of Clintonics

Q: What did Clinton say to Monica Lewinsky?
A: "I said lie in this position, not lie in the deposition! "

Q: Why doesn't Bill Clinton use a bookmark?
A: He prefers bending over his pages.

Q: What's the difference between the Titanic and Bill Clinton?
A: Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.

Q: What did Bill Clinton say after the Paula Jones deposition?
A: "Oh, sure, *now* she opens her mouth. "

Q: Why was it difficult for Clinton to fire Monica Lewinsky?
A: He couldn't giver her a pink slip without asking her to try it on first.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and Bob Dole have in common?
A: They were both upset when Bill finished first.

Q: What is Bill's definition of safe sex?
A: When Hillary is out of town.

Q: How does Bill keep Monica Lewinsky away from the White House?
A: He keeps offering to send Ted Kennedy over to give her a ride.

"....So it's about Bill Clinton's new revelations about his sex life. Seems today he finally admitted that he had sex with Jennifer Flowers a couple of times....but he didn't come."

Q: When did Clinton realize Paula Jones wasn't a Democrat?
A: When she didn't swallow everything he presented.

"....One thing's for sure about Clinton...
He sure doesn't neglect domestic affairs!"

Q: What's the difference between Bill Clinton and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo can only screw one person at a time.

Q: What's the definition of an Arkansas Virgin?
A: A girl that can run faster than the Governor.

Q: What does Teddy Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes *he* did?
A: A dead girlfriend.

Q: What's the new game they're playing in the White House?
A: Swallow the Leader.

"....Seen on Monica Lewinsky's resume: Sat on the Presidential Staff."

"....Results of a survey of 500 women asked, "Would you sleep with the President?"
86% replied: Not again!

Q: What's the press calling the latest Presidential scandal?
A: ZipperGate

A comparison between Nixon and Clinton

Major Scandal during their presidency....
Nixon: Watergate
Clinton: Waterbed

The President's biggest fear....
Nixon: The Cold War
Clinton: The Cold Sore

Complaints toward the President.....
Nixon: Carpet-Bombing
Clinton: Carpet-Burns

Their Vice-Presidents...
Nixon: His was Greek
Clinton: His is a Geek.

Presidential qualities.....
Nixon: Couldn't stop Kissinger.
Clinton: Couldn't stop kissing her.

Things the President couldn't explain....
Nixon: The missing 18-minutes on the tapes
Clinton: The 36D bra in his briefcase

Presidential Nicknames....
Nixon: Tricky Dick
Clinton: (oh that's too easy)

and finally, Presidential excuses....
Nixon: I am not a crook
Clinton: I didn't get in her nook

Clinton and the Pope

President Clinton and the Pope died on the same day, and due to an administrative mix up, Clinton was sent to heaven and the Pope went to hell.

The Pope explained the situation to the devil, he checked out all of the paperwork, and the error was acknowledged. The Pope was told, however, that it would take about 24 hours to fix the problem and correct the error.

The next day, the Pope was called in and the devil said his good-bye as he went off to heaven. On his way up, he met Clinton who was on his way down, and they stopped to chat.

Pope: Sorry about the mix up.

President Clinton: No problem.

Pope: Well, I'm really excited about going to heaven.

President Clinton: Why's that?

Pope: All my life I've wanted to meet the Virgin Mary.

President Clinton: You're a day late.


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